I'd like to take this blog to expound on my aversion to the female gender. Yes this kind of sounds like a black man belonging to the KKK, but there are girl girls and guys girls. My aversion is to the former, or what I like to call "ultrafemmes." You know the ones of which I speak, the heart breaking, over bearing, might as well pee on the guys she likes and mark her territory, super girly girls. People have no clue how true the movie Mean Girls was.
My Anatomy and Physiology teacher was covering the chapter on genetics and was explaining the importance of sex chromosomes. He went into a rant over why men can't understand women and why women can't understand women, and why women can't even understand themselves. Basically the difference between men and women, genetically speaking, is that men have a Y and women have an X. You know this, or you should. What you probably didn't know is how different these two chromosomes are. According to Mr. Molesky, there are only 36 genes on the male Y compared to the THOUSANDS of genes on the female X. Basically, its not in your DNA to understand us guys, you just don't have enough. The way Mr. Molesky put it, women have such a hard time because they have "conflicting X's." (What I alluded to in the previous blog as "double X action") Its like two women arguing inside one woman's head all the time. One is rational and one is irrational, you'd think the rational one would win more often..... you'd think.
To me, the difference between guy's girls, or the girls that can hang with the guys and don't mind chipping a nail, or a tooth for that matter, and the girls that eat Estrogen-Oh's for breakfast is that the rational one takes over more for the former, and the irrational one claims the throne for the later. How do I know this? Because I speak WomanSpeak. Very few men speak WomanSpeak. It is a cruel language of subtle seemingly innocent remarks loaded with undertones and biting sarcasm. A language I had to learn to survive, a language I loathe.
Example: I have this guy friend. Cool guy. I went to hang out at the Starbucks last week, and being the Delphic personality I am, I like to observe people and see what I can read. There was this one chick there, she seemed to have a flash of attraction in her eyes. I watched more, by the end of the night, she was totally feeling him. Which was cool, I was glad. Only problem was that I had no idea how MUCH, I also had no idea that she was an "alpha ultra femme." Alpha ultra femmes are like guys on steroids with all the roid rage, but instead of steroids its insecurity and paranoia. I went with them to go watch a play and I noticed a strange look. It takes a fluent speaker in WomanSpeak to understand this look, it takes a sensitive guy to pick it up. It's the look of territoriality, the look of stay back or I'll make you pay. I guess this chick was expecting it to be date, I still don't know if my friend told her me and my girl (the one girl I hang out with) were coming. Now if it was just one grumpy night, I'd let it slide. I'm a pretty laid back person. Basically, it takes girls like her to bring me out of my angry shell. Girls like her ruined high school for me. God needs to deal with me about girls like her, because girls like her make me want to be very inhospitable.
Why the intensity? Because, tonight she spoke WomanSpeak as only an alpha ultra femme can speak. Not only do I HATE that language, I hate when it's used so frivolously. Sometimes, its necessary to speak WomanSpeak (aka when trying to apologize without apologizing to maintain ones dignity and without instantly becoming a mat to be walked over, this action mainly occurs between to alphas of different subspecies utlra femme and g.i. jane) , but this is unwarranted because this guy is just my friend with whom I have no romantic attraction, there is no way I am any kind of "threat" to her. It's as simple as this. My friend alludes to us having hung out earlier in the week (I noticed the tension and tried not to speak directly to her), she says "oh did he tell you about the dinner we cooked together." Guys tend to hear "oh did he tell you about the dinner we cooked together." In woman speak it can be translated as " I cooked for him. We are in love and going to get married. Stay back or I'll shank you. I know him better than you do. See even now his little 36 genes bow to my every whim. Bla bla bla bla bla di dah." Now if she were to be confronted. She could say Oh all I said was, and repeat the above, sans smug smile, and territorial glint in the eyes. She would go on to seal the deal with a vindictive "I don't understand why she doesn't like me. most girls don't, I think she is just jealous." Guy says, see she wasn't saying anything wrong. You shouldn't jump to conclusions, and I go try to pop my ear drums in hopes that I never have to hear WomanSpeak again.
DO YOU SEE THE MALICE AND EVIL OF WOMANSPEAK!!!!!!!! It's so slimy and subtle, and even the above is a poor description. I'm sure this AUF will give me more fodder for this rant. I'll try to pay attention, so I can give a more clear example. This is why I get all tense when my chemoreceptors pick up high levels of estrogen. This is also why I limit my contact with specimens of the same gender falling under the subspecies of ultra femme. Contact with the sub sub species Alpha Ultra Femme results in rants such as the above. I must say, blogging is highly therapeutic. Especially when you know no one is reading....
