Sigh

OK. So maybe that's not my motto. It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind right? Or it could be up to God to change it for her. We basically had service at my house and it was amazing. While I was praying, I got a pretty profound nugget of wisdom. "Loneliness isn't some cross to bear. The single martyr's burden. It is a hole that only Jesus can fill." 

Deep right? Definitely wasn't from me. It made me realize how needy I've become. Emotionally and spiritually. I need constant attention and I pout like a five year old if things don't go my way. I realized that people aren't puppets to be manipulated. I had taken my focus off of Jesus. Maybe loneliness is really our Spirits hungering after God only we get the message all screwed up. I just remember sitting there with this urgent need to grow up and be an adult. Kind of liek that Bob Newhart skit. STOP IT. JUST STOP IT. 

Its high time I "Accept what I cannot change, and change what I cannot accept."

What I learned most on this resurrection Sunday? You can't hold on to your past and keep walking towards the future. The past is only so stretchy. You only miss out on what your not paying attention to at the moment. Was there an amazing service at Wave? No doubt! Could I have been hanging out with some awesome godly people at Starbucks (yay TDF!)? Of course! But that wasn't what God wanted. Just because there are a lot of things to do, and just because they are all good, doesn't mean you need to do them all. I'm learning to be in the moment. To ask God what He wants me to do and where He wants me to be. I guess you can say I learned a lot this weekend. :)

My Motto

I have decided that I will probably never get married. I have gone through my whole life without ever having a boyfriend or gone on a date or even been kissed. I have been told that I am pretty and have a "great personality." We all know what that means. FACE LIKE A DOG. So in order to keep my sanity I have created a motto. "All guys just want to be friends. No man will ever be interested in you." 

I say it in the morning and before I go to sleep. My soul is being rowdy, but it'll get the hint eventually. Boys are the most confusing creatures. I hate being confused or maybe its just as simple as trying to find something that isn't there. Men are just not that into me. 

The Ugly Bubble Files

Evidence #436-A

The perpetrator who shall be renamed Unicorn Sauce for confidentiality purposes and to prevent embarrassment on my part has shown possible evidence of susceptibility to the Ugly Bubble (for further information on what the Ugly Bubble is, visit the previous blog entitled the Ugly Bubble Theory now.) 

Unicorn Sauce has gone from an average of three hours of talk time per night and suspiciously flirty behavior to almost 48 hours without contact. The consensus is that this is a fear response initiated by the fact that he is new to his life here in the place I also live. The course of action is to give him time. Time that was also given to said perpetrator Worcestershire Sauce. I fail to view the comparison. WS is a shy introverted and emotionally detached individual and requires time. US is basically a player with high access to fembots and gi janes alike. Half of his friends are ten times hotter and nicer than me. 

I have mixed feelings. My theory: He is either "just not that into me" or he ran head first really quickly into the ugly bubble and the ugly bubble scoffed and scared him crap-less. When the Ugly Bubble was questioned, it responded with:  "Stupid boy... you cannot penetrate me without primary access to the supernatural being known as God and hurricane like force and/or superhuman stealth is required on top of this access." -The Ugly Bubble

 The first one seems to go along with romantically historical evidence. I have none. 

I will follow said course of action and pretend like nothing happened the next time I see him and will avoid contact via any modes of electronic correspondence at all costs. I don't really see the point as I believe that this is another one to file under the Ugly Bubble Theory... or maybe I really am just ugly and I should wear a bag on my head, buy ten cats, and count my losses.