"What Sarah said"

I listened to a song "what Sarah said" by Death Cab for Cutie. It made me think about something I hadn't stop to think about before. As a nurse, especially as an ER nurse it may fall on me to help families cope with loss or even to be the bearer of bad news. How will it feel to know that the next words out of my mouth will cause someone pain and sadness? 

Doing clinicals you are surrounded by death all the time. Surrounded by illness and death, it makes you realize how precious life is. How fragile and frail life is. The Bible says it like a flower that is here today and gone tomorrow. It makes me so utterly frustrated when I waste my time. A word of admiration left unsaid, one less I love you. How much time do I waste being angry, sad, afraid of rejection? Too much in my opinion. 

I guess my prayer is that God would remind me of the beauty all around me, and that beauty will help to focus on what is so precious and important... Life. It's what you do in this life that counts for eternity. 

-Phoenix

Selfishness

Maybe it's because I am fasting and I have more insight into my own character. Maybe God is just showing me how carnal I've become. It seems that I just can't seem to say the right thing. Mercy has made it that the people around me are too polite to point out my flaws to me. I am starting to see them as clear as day and I don't like the person I've become. I can't even win or lose a video game gracefully. I'm so loud and out of control. Out of control. A phrase that seems to keep coming up in my everyday speech. It's the phrase that precisely describes my soul life. Extreme highs and lows. I think I change moods and minds fifty times a day. I've come to admire those around me that can hold their silence. That now how to converse with grace. Oh how I wish I could have that. I used to be like that once. My words were counted, graceful, wise. It seems like I've gone backwards in maturity. I think they call it regression in psychology. I'm aging backwards. I was 16 going on 40 now I'm 24 going on 15. I guess my prayer is Lord grant me wisdom. Give me the grace to think of others before myself. Help me Lord to put a filter over my mouth. To not waste words. Show me the way back to You, back to wisdom. Amen.