Selfishness

Maybe it's because I am fasting and I have more insight into my own character. Maybe God is just showing me how carnal I've become. It seems that I just can't seem to say the right thing. Mercy has made it that the people around me are too polite to point out my flaws to me. I am starting to see them as clear as day and I don't like the person I've become. I can't even win or lose a video game gracefully. I'm so loud and out of control. Out of control. A phrase that seems to keep coming up in my everyday speech. It's the phrase that precisely describes my soul life. Extreme highs and lows. I think I change moods and minds fifty times a day. I've come to admire those around me that can hold their silence. That now how to converse with grace. Oh how I wish I could have that. I used to be like that once. My words were counted, graceful, wise. It seems like I've gone backwards in maturity. I think they call it regression in psychology. I'm aging backwards. I was 16 going on 40 now I'm 24 going on 15. I guess my prayer is Lord grant me wisdom. Give me the grace to think of others before myself. Help me Lord to put a filter over my mouth. To not waste words. Show me the way back to You, back to wisdom. Amen.