yes. i am for lack of a better word, a spaz. i was helping to pack up the christmas stuff and i didn't realize that baby Jesus wasn't attached to his crib....er, manger, and he fell and basically, i decapitated baby Jesus and amputated his right arm. i put him back together though. it got me thinking about all my quirks. how i sometimes sleep with my head towards the foot of the bed and how i my idea of comfort food is some chef boyardee spaghetti and meatballs and white rice all mushed up together and how i like to crochet and how i bite my nails and randomly blurt out chicken wing and how my favorite drink ever is half coke and half orange soda and how i clean when i get angry. then i was thinking about how that's not so bad. how i kind of liked my quirkiness and how all this isolation helped me to figure some of them out. and basically my self esteem is at -95 so im five points closer to zero than yesterday. which makes me feel even better! so i figured that i should put strengths and weaknesses up so i can look at them.
10:24 PM
Weaknesses (this list is easier)
1. I procrastinate... a lot.
2. I have a hard time being on time.
3. I kind of have a tendency to let people walk all over me.
4. I'm not very good at following through with stuff.
5. Books and hats are about the only thing I finish.
6. I say too much when I am nervous.
7. I say too much.
8. I interrupt a lot.
Strengths (loading....)
6. I am very reliable in medical emergencies.
7. I love to help people.
8. I can't hold a grudge for longer than a couple of hours.
9. I drive really well.
10. I'm easily amused.
11. I don't require much to be happy.
12. When you can get me to work, I work hard. Especially if I like what I am doing.
13. I smile a lot.
14. When I am not nervous or uncomfortable, I am a pretty outgoing person.
15. I have a tendency to make people laugh.
16. It basically takes an act of nature to offend me.
not a bad list. i think i am at a -90. hooray!
12:53 PM
THIS EQUATION IS NO LONGER VALID. READ "ponderings on attraction" I KEEP IT UP AS A MEASURE OF MY GROWTH. TO LEARN FROM MY HARD TIMES. KIND OF LIKE GOING BACK AND READING AN OLD JOURNAL YOU WROTE IN JUNIOR HIGH.
so basically if you correlate that female attractiveness can be measured by the number of pursuers plus the length of time they are pursued multiplied by the number of relationships raised to the number of marriages, where the number of marriages is equal to (n+1) (because if it was just n and someone hadn't been married then their number would automatically be one and it wouldn't take into consideration the other factors.) then subtract the number of rejections and take the root n+1 times all over the number of days alive (time is measured in days) then you have a quantitative measure for attractiveness, or unattractiveness in my case. insert evil genius/mad scientist laughter here.
the equation will then look like A= [n+1 root{r(m+t(p))^(n+1)-d}]/t(a)
where n+1= the number of marriages
r= all relationships acknowledged on both parts
m= number of male pursuers of intelligent, sane males of the same age (this takes into consideration if you were asked out at twelve by a male around the same age for instance)
t(p)= the average number of days the pursuit took place (some guys will wait for years, others twenty seconds)
d= number of rejections, r was already taken and rejection is depressing, thus d
and finally t(a)= the time in days the female has been alive.
* disclaimer: this is basically for first world countries where they can afford to be picky.
and also you only take the root if there has been a divorce, otherwise you can ignore that part.
thus i have not only proven that scientifically that i am unattractive, in the sense that i do not attract males (this does not necessarily imply repelling males, just that i cannot hold their attention relationship pursuit wise) but that i am also mildly ugly. i have a negative number, its really small, but it is still negative.
A(phoenix)= {0(2+135)^1)-3}/8895
A(phoenix)=-3/8895
A(phoenix)=-3.37 X 10^-4
i feel oddly accomplished and somewhat exhilarated. what a strange duck i am....
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