on the theory of female attraction

THIS EQUATION IS NO LONGER VALID. READ "ponderings on attraction" I KEEP IT UP AS A MEASURE OF MY GROWTH. TO LEARN FROM MY HARD TIMES. KIND OF LIKE GOING BACK AND READING AN OLD JOURNAL YOU WROTE IN JUNIOR HIGH. 

ok. so i can scientifically prove how unattractive i am. probably not the best thing for my self esteem, but it kind of kept me up half the night and anything is better than thinking about how much i miss my big brother right now. its pretty genius if i may say so myself. 

so basically if you correlate that female attractiveness can be measured by the number of pursuers plus the length of time they are pursued multiplied by the number of relationships raised to the number of marriages, where the number of marriages is equal to (n+1) (because if it was just n and someone hadn't been married then their number would automatically be one and it wouldn't take into consideration the other factors.) then subtract the number of rejections and take the root n+1 times all over the number of days alive (time is measured in days) then you have a quantitative measure for attractiveness, or unattractiveness in my case. insert evil genius/mad scientist laughter here. 

the equation will then look like A= [n+1 root{r(m+t(p))^(n+1)-d}]/t(a) 

where n+1= the number of marriages

r= all relationships acknowledged on both parts

m= number of male pursuers of intelligent, sane males of the same age (this takes into consideration if you were asked out at twelve by a male around the same age for instance)

t(p)= the average number of days the pursuit took place (some guys will wait for years, others twenty seconds)

d= number of rejections, r was already taken and rejection is depressing, thus d

and finally t(a)= the time in days the female has been alive. 

* disclaimer: this is basically for first world countries where they can afford to be picky. 

and also you only take the root if there has been a divorce, otherwise you can ignore that part.

thus i have not only proven that scientifically that i am unattractive, in the sense that i do not attract males (this does not necessarily imply repelling males, just that i cannot hold their attention relationship pursuit wise) but that i am also mildly ugly. i have a negative number, its really small, but it is still negative. 

A(phoenix)= {0(2+135)^1)-3}/8895

A(phoenix)=-3/8895

A(phoenix)=-3.37 X 10^-4

i feel oddly accomplished and somewhat exhilarated. what a strange duck i am....