Yes. I am at home right now. Trying to relax because the stress of everything sent me over the edge into a full scale severe migraine followed by a nosebleed and a hangover headache. A hangover headache is not the same as getting drunk and then suffering the consequences. In this case, its like your head is a giant water balloon and you feel every movement, and your thoughts are moving through the water just like you would if you tried to run in neck-deep water. Thankfully, the doctor knew just what it was. The new medicine works great because it also treats the tension headache side of the migraine.
Evaluation time. God has really been speaking to me about fasting from facebook or non-business related internet activities in general. To use that time to speak to him or be productive. Mainly to speak to him. I read a great blog recently about finding God in the monotony of life. The fact that life could be viewed as monotony relates that I have lost sight of how beautiful and amazing life can be. How wind causes leaves to dance erratically in the air. No two dances being the same. How my body keeps me alive through the night even though I don't eat while I am sleeping. The fact that the very bed I'm sleeping on was made in a factory that God gave man wisdom to build.
Stress is like a magnifying glass and a filter. It magnifies all the bad and filters out the amazing. Why am I under so much stress? because I am trying to do too much at once. I have too much on my plate. There is this joke in nursing school "School, Work, a Life: Pick one." Sadly, I tried to pick all three. I can't get rid of work, because I spent more than I had (God forgive me), and I can't stop school because it is training for my calling. The one thing I can stop, but I don't want to is the blooming social life I have. Always something to do now that I joined wave, but just because there is always something to do, doesn't mean you have to do it all. I guess I have fear that if I don't hang out with my friends, I won't have any friends and as much as I talked about the beauty of isolation, it still hurts to be alone. I guess my prayer now, is that God will give the strength and the security in Him and my family to sacrifice for the vision He gave me.
He's given so much. It seems so selfish of me to consider it sacrifice instead of a gift. Now that I think about it, it seems so fitting. God gave me what I wanted most at the time. Friends. He always has to take them away because they are like a drug that I become addicted to and keep overusing. I'd even take bad friends than no friends. So now God is saying "Do you think you could give them back to Me, and finally trust Me to do what is best for you." So I will fast. I will pray and see who is still left standing at the end.
-Phoenix
0 comments:
Post a Comment