Hypothermic Metatarsals

Hummm. Having second thoughts now. Is it fair to ask a 20 year old to make the commitment of courtship? Am I even ready for courtship? I mean according to the guidelines I'm supposed to be physically, financially, and spiritual stable. Physically, yeah sure, I'm not dying anytime soon, Spiritually, getting to know God more and more everyday. Financially, STOP HERE, DO NOT  PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200! Not to mention that I am in the middle of a rigorous RN program. See, as much as I would love to enter into a relationship for the first time in my life ( I think I'll blog later on "the nevers"), and as emotionally attached as I am, I can't seem to shake this feeling of foreboding. I can't help but think that I am doing an injustice to both of us. I guess what I am saying is that I have decided that for now courtship isn't for me. 

It's a good thing all but one of my friends are guys or I'd be paying attention to the whole "YOUR EGGS ARE GETTING OLD!!" voice in my head. At this point, I am going to have to take a leap of faith and say that if God wants me to get married, He will introduce me to some sweet blind fellow that doesn't mind me being fat and wrinkled. JK. I won't get wrinkles for a while. This is such crazy double X action. I mean do you WANT to hear what is going on in my head right now. 

"He's too young, but he's lived a lot in his short life time. What if he goes back to smoking pot again, it wouldn't be the first time. Your getting old, guys like him are few and far between, isn't he the first one in four years that has ever even been bold enough to state his feelings and want to speak to your father? Are you crazy? So what he's not a virgin, you should take what you can get. He will treat you like a queen. Follow you to the ends of the Earth. But is that what you want? Some yuppie puppie bowing to your every whim? Will he survive the field, will he survive what is coming? Can he handle cannibals, witch doctors, exorcisms? Would he be able to provide? Would your family starve?" 

This is what I go through. Maybe, maybe, its just Hypothermic Metatarsals (aka cold feet). But maybe it's God's voice telling me to wait for the one He truly has for me. Maybe Habibi is the one, but not right now. We shall see. I guess I just don't want to be like my fellow desperado double Xs that are so desperate they'd bite another females head off for even looking at a guy they are looking as well. I mean girls my age can be serious crazies. I just refuse to bow down to the whole, you have to get married and have kids at least once. I'd rather be single than marry the wrong person, because when it comes to being a missionary, it only takes one person that doesn't belong to get the whole team killed. It's happened. I mean how much worse would it be, if you're married to the wrong person. I'd rather go solo. At least I'm not allergic to the whole idea of marriage anymore.