on new beginnings

so i should probably be in bed right now, but i don't think i will sleep very well. two things weigh heavy on my mind. the first one has to do with the title of this blog, and the second doesn't.

i start my new job tomorrow. i am now a spanish teacher. i have no degree in teaching, and i have never officially been a teacher. lets just say now more than ever im constantly talking with God. ;) did i mention that i am also teaching high school students! im not so concerned about discipline or them playing pranks on me. im concerned about doing a good job. spanish is my co language. i learned it right alongside with english. i think in spanish on some days. i want them to leave being able to survive if they were suddenly dropped in a spanish speaking country.... like miami. i want to know that they can talk about what they did yesterday and have not sound like its what they are going to do tomorrow. (preterite v. future tense). most of all, i want to be able to be a carrier of God's presence to them. i want them to know that it is possible to be young and separate from the world. 

separate from the world. that brings me to my next pondering. lately, i've read my past blogs and i have seen a change. i guess my concern starts with the scripture that says "be in this world and not of it." and i thought to myself, what separates me from the world? do i allow God to be such a part of my life that my very presence causes a change in people, not because of me, but because of what God has done in me? can people tell that i am a christian by the way i speak and carry myself? basically, am i walking the walk and not just talking the talk? 

its not such an easy question when you have been brought up with church culture in your veins. there is a difference between being a christian because you know how to be one and being a christian because you really are one. i believe, i hope, that these changes are the later. i am a missionary. it is my call. for a missionary, it is as important as breathing to be in tune with God. to listen more than speak. im so hungry to move, to reach the lost, but im out of shape spiritually. its like a person that used to play soccer, the sight of a ball gets their heart going, but as soon as the start to kick the ball around they are doubled over huffing and puffing. the good news is, i have a whole manual that tells me how to get back in shape and actually does it at the same time (thats the Bible people). the wonderful thing is, im hungry for God again. not munchies hungry like i have been the past couple years, im talking golden coral hungry. yes its sad to not have a human companion, but im starting to realize how up to the task God is when it comes to filling the empty space my friends used to occupy. those, readers, are my unscientific observations on new beginnings.