im currently sitting at the panera down the street from my house. taking in all the wonderful smells and basking in the sounds of people relaxing on a saturday. im taking a break from doing three hours straight of simple math. why? because in all honesty i dont even have anything to procrastinate with. so i figured id do my work.
im also listening to nature boy by nat king cole. this song. something about it makes me lonely and pity the lonely. am i listening to it because im lonely or am i lonely because im listening to it? its strange that surrounded by people, i find my self feeling utterly alone. well not utterly. i have Jesus, but even He knows what loneliness feels like.
unfortunately for me, God made us to be social creatures. "it is not good for man to be alone" and He knows why. solitude has a way of making even the brightest day seem dismal. the sweetest smells acrid. its even raining outside to boot. like something out of the sad part in a movie. all the of the people that tolerated me have left. i am become a socially awkward shadow of myself. what's left but to figure out why God has me alone. i have some theories.
facts so far: it sucks when your friends get together, everyone leaves eventually, and politeness can be an emotional soul killer; falsehood dressed in silk. why can't people speak in truths? what prevents us from saying what is on our minds? why is it so hard to be real?
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