sleep on it

so i talked things over with one of my good friends b. i love b. hes made of awesome. hes got a good head on his shoulders. he turned me to Jesus and was like WWJD? and to be honest i did kind of stop and think about Jesus' life and how he handled things and i realized that most the time he spent, he spent alone. if he was with people it was because he was ministering to them not because they were his friends and he wanted to hang out. he didnt even call the disciples his friends until after the resurrection if my memory serves me right. there were many times where he would just go off by himself to pray. cant say i blame him. i mean i would want to disappear two when im telling my disciples the keys to life and they are too busy arguing about who is greatest in the kingdom. what does all this have to do with anything? 

well unlike e, who i was able to completely cut off with no incident and without opportunity to reconcile (she broke cardinal rule number one, lying). there is something that draws me to the crew (a, al, g, n, and s) and even though our friendship may probably never be the same. i forgive them for the way they treat me, and ive decided to apply seventy times seven. sure i probably cant count on them as confidants. i cant tell them my deepest darkest emotions and hope that they understand, but maybe that was too much to expect of them in the first place. they are all much younger than i am, and their walks with Christ are ..... and well maybe i need to take up jesus' example of unconditional love. "no matter what you do or say, i love you anyway" so if they need me, ill be there. thats what a true friend is. a giver with no strings attached and when no one else is there for me God is. and i need to learn to use that to its maximum value until God does provide someone who can talk with me on my level and understand me emotionally and spiritually. someone who can be there.